I'm not back...

Not yet, I'm sorry - I didn't think I would get the response I did from leaving, In all honesty I didn't think anyone would notice, but you did, an awful lot of you did, and I don't have the words to describe how that makes me feel. Thank you will never be enough.

I'm not back, not just yet - But I will be soon and I will explain my long absence - I'm really sorry.

I just wanted to let you know that I hadn't fallen of the face of the earth - Even if at times I've wanted nothing more. Thank you so much. I still read every single one of all your posts, and thank you to my new followers.

I will be back soon and back for good.

I miss you all so much

X

I am more thankful than you can know...

for your comments and all my current and new followers, I truely am. I haven't been commenting lately, I am always always reading, but I do not have words to give to all right now.

I am struggling.

I will come back, but I'm not sure when. I will always be reading though, and I'll be thinking of you all.

I will come back more determined, stronger willed, full of helpful advice and support.

And thinner.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
I love you all so very very much
X

I've broke it!

I weighed in at 107.7Ibs this morning.
Now I know it isn't a big loss, but I have broken my 108Ibs, which I have been hovering around for a while now, so I'm really happy.
My next goal is 106Ibs.
I really hope it doesn't take as long as getting to 107. No it won't.
It won't. It won't. I won't.

I'm really sorry, I have been really awful with commenting and replying to comments. I'm really sorry, I always read your blogs and I love your comments. I will get back to it really soon I hope, I just don't feel I have anything to offer at the minute. But thank you so much, I will get back as soon as I can.

I feel a good bit better today, thank you for all your lovely words.
X

The lovely Sarah and I decided on a day long fast today, this morning on msn. Now this should have been easy as my mother went out for the day. It was going really well until about 8pm, when I met up with my sister. We were in the shop and she offered to buy me something. I declined and said I was still feeling ill. She seemed to accept this but when we had left she took a brunch ice lolly out of the bag, handed it to me and said it would help my throat.
So I had that.
When I got home I proceeded to have 3 cups of tea.
I know it wasn't awful but for a fast day it wasn't good.

I'm sorry Sarah, I hope your day went as planned and was better than mine.

I'm still not feeling great. I think I will sleep for most of tomorrow. To try and keep my intake down. Sleep and read. That sounds good.

I think I'm getting worse.
I'm getting a headache.
I also found out that I'm allergic to the cough medicine I've been taking.
Shitters
X

Sick

I feel like I am getting a chest infection. I am coughing so much and I feel like I am tearing my throat in the process. Everything hurts, and my back and chest are killing me. I promise I will read blogs and get back to comments tomorrow. I just don't have the energy right now.
I love you.
X

Thank you

for your lovely words on my picture post and previous binge post.
I'm glad you all think my dog is beautiful. Thanks for the kind words about me as well, I wasn't sure weather I wanted to put it up, but I though, I know what a lot of you look like so thought it was only fair.

I think I am getting hair dye today or tomorrow, so I might post another picture when I do it because it wasn't very purply in that picture.

Today will be better, I know how often I say that, and to be honest I'm getting really sick of saying it, but I am sick of being this weight, I think if I can get to 106, it will be a lot easier to get to 99, then get down to my goal weight.

I need to re-think my food plan I think because atm I'm having:
Breakfast:
Coffee and a peach

Lunch:
Coffee, cuppa soup and a peice of toast

Dinner:
Half a packet of uncle beans rice
Diet coke

But then in the evening I binge. What is it with night time binging??

I am going groccery shopping with my mum later, so I will be having a look for some low low low low cal snacky things. I don't think it would be realistic for me to think I could just stop night time eating, but I can help myself by getting things that won't do to much damage, and then try and wean (sp??) myself away from it.

I will have a look for other things as well, I will let you know if I get anything worth telling.

I had a dream last night, well two actually:
Dream 1: I dreamt I was in my kitchen and my brother was helping himself to my honey loops, he used all of them. I was shouting at him telling him they were in my section of cupboard.

I woke up very disstressed, I have this thing with people eating my food, like we have a long cupboard in our kitchen, and the very bottom bit is where I keep my food, and I don't like people having my stuff. When I woke up after this dream I had to go downstairs to check my honey loops where still there. How messed up is that??

Dream 2:
I was back in high school, I had got into trouble and was running away with a friend, I ran into a classroom and hid behinde a whiteboard. Then a class came in and the teachers, there were two, came in with them, they started talking and I recognised their voices, I looked up and the teachers were Jennifer Sauders and Joanna Lumley.

Yeh I have strange dreams. Don't know why I felt the need to tell you that, but yeh.

I think I have ran out of random things to say, so I will go and I'll post later, when I'll hopefully have something a bit more worthwhile to say.
X

I'm a monster

Nom Nom Nom, thats what my night was made up of.

I hate myself for being so weak. It's not that hard, look at the chocolate and the bread and the butter and all other manners of shitty stuff and just say FUCKING NO. Thats all there is to it. Saying no, but I'm so weak and pathetic that I can't even do that