I don't even have the words to explain how I felt when I saw the comments under my last post. I genuinely did not expect anyone to read, but thank you - It means so much.
I still have to get back a couple of those comments.
I suppose I should tell you where I'm at - I haven't lost any weight, in fact I think I may have put on a pound. I am around 108Ibs but I feel I look thinner than before. Like I'm more toned than before, I can feel and see my hips and ribs more than before.
I am doing an awful lot better with exercise, I am doing so much more, like I walk a lot with Cassie, I do push-ups, sit-ups and crunches. I went to the gym for a few weeks as well with my friend but we don't really go that much any more because we're broke. I just feel generally more active which is good I suppose.
I have gone through the whole cycle of starving-binging-purging-cutting-starving etc. But in this past week or so I've been a lot better, like I can control myself a lot better, I have fasted, I have had a day of 300 calories etc, etc. I don't feel the need to eat everything on my plate anymore.
I am still having my phases of horrible depression, positive, happier times, you know a mix of more or less everything.
Okay, I have a goal. In 2 weeks I will turn 18, I am determined to enter adulthood weighing nothing more than 99Ibs - So yeh there it is.
I am happy to be back I really am, than you all for welcoming me back - your all so lovely.
X
Year end
11 months ago
i felt like a lazy bitch when i read your post. I have a problem with sports, not co-ordinated enough:P
ReplyDeleteWe care too much about you, that is why we welcomed you with wide opened arms, prepared to envelope you in a big big big group hug(i so wish it was physical, but sadly just mental).
With love
Crina
(yeah i am tired of writing "PerfectingMyEmptiness" so i will just sign with my real name or i could not sign it at all but i am too used of signing at the end of each message/post and for me routine is hard to change)
thank you so much for your lovely comments - they mean so much to me :) and i'm so glad you're more positive about yourself and your life now... i hope it only gets better from here. you're an inspiration to me, you should know, because you being back and saying these things has motivated me to sort things out and to get it together. so, thank you for that. i hope you'll be posting a lot more from now on - i wasn't kidding when i said i missed you! Millie x
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