Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Happy Christmas

Thank you for the comments on my last post.
Blogger on my phone isnt great. I cant comment on your blogs and I can only read a few of them.
Hopefully in the new year I can get something sorted and come back properly but until then happy christmas.
I hope you can all enjoy yourselves. And I really hope the food side of it doesnt go as horrible as you think.
Thank you for staying to those that have.

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Getting fat again

While Ive been away, I had managed to get myself to my lowest weight - 94.7ibs, I felt light, I could see bones. I was getting into a lower jean size. (UK 6) It was all going so well.
But I stupidly let myself believe that because I was 'skinny' I could let myself eat crap.
But the mistake I made was thinking I was skinny. I wasnt skinny I was just smaller than before.
This morning I weighed in at 101.6, I need to fix this and I need to fix it now before it gets out of control.

Im sorry ive been a crap blogger. If anyone still comes here, thank you.
Thank you so so much for sticking by me.
I know its a selfish thing to ask seeing how I disappear for months on end but please dont leave me.
Please stay.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Still here...

I havent left again, Im just trying to catch up again with everyones blogs. I am amazed at how things have changed. Some people have recovered and moved on, others are much further into the hell of their eating disorders than when I left and others have just disappeared. 'This blog doesnt exsist' or just a normal every day post that was posted months and months ago.
I think those are who I worry about most, no last goodbye post, no reason to their disappearance, just gone.
I like to think that they made the choice to get well and leave this all behind because the other conclusion is to much for me to even think about.

Thank you 'Perfecting my emptiness' Im sorry you were worried, thanks for sticking by me.

I will do a catch up post soon when Ive finished catching up with all your blogs.

I hope weather you still blog or not that you are all safe and well.

Friday, 5 October 2012


Wow, its been a while.
Im sorry.
Thanks for the comments. Im sorry if you were worried, I really didnt think anyone would notice. But thanks.
Im ok.

I dont have a laptop anymore, just my phone, Ive found an app, so will have to explore and see if I can read/comment on other blogs. But if I can, I think its ok to say Im back. If you still want me.

I will do a post later, to fill you in on whats been happening while Ive been away. Dont worry, Ill recap lol.
Sorry again.
Hows everyone doing??
Ive missed this place.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Why hello there...

Sorry I know I said I'd post a couple of days ago but I didn't get round to it. I've been a very bad blogger, I've not read, commented, replied to comments or posted properly in weeks, I'm sorry :( BUT... I promise to get better because you are all wonderful.
As you might be able to tell I'm in rather a good mood, which is lovely.

Would you like to know why??
Well then I shall tell you.
The last time I weighed myself was 7 December and I weighed 107.6Ibs, now bear in mind that the next few weeks were filled with a couple of birthdays, family feed-ups, Christmas, Christmas parties, new year, which as we all know are filled with astronomical amounts of food and alcohol and all things calorific, which logically should result in about half a million pounds worth of weight gain.
So could some please explain to me how it could possibly be that when I woke up this morning and took a very brave, if not slightly frightened, step onto my scales that it could read 106.8Ibs??

I may sound very foolish getting excited about 0.8Ibs weightloss, but fuck me - it was Christmas!! Woo - Hoo!
So, yes, that was a very nice thing to see this morning.

I may have mentioned that I have news? I don't know I can't remember but anyway here it is:
My sister is getting married and has asked me to be bridesmaid! While this is extremely exciting, it has thrown up a few problems, two in particular:
1.She does not want a long engagement and is organising her wedding for the end of May, start of June - THIS YEAR! Which leaves me with 4-5 months to get my (not just as fat as I thought) arse into some sort of shape (Do you Americans not have arses? Spell-checker doesn't recognise it, or that - You use an awful lot of Z's) So yes, 4-5 months! Ah!! I am currently a size 8 (UK) but I want my dress to be a size 6 (UK) not sure what that is in America, but a UK 4 is an American size zero, and a UK 6 is one up from that - hopefully that will give you some sort of idea. I would love to be 88Ibs by then - 19Ibs - over 4 months = 4.75Ibs per month and 1.1Ibs per week. That can be done.
I like the sound of it - Perfect weight 88 (I heard that somewhere, can't remember where though, maybe a song?)
2.Problem 2 is bad and a bit heartbreaking - My sister doesn't want dreads at her wedding, we have had fights about them because I love them so much and she really doesn't, so yeh I've started taking them out.
I had 43 dreads and after 8 hours I have removed 20, so only another 23 to go.....

I'm going to put them back in after the wedding because I love them, and I don't want normal hair.
I'm removing them all, then going to the hair dressers to get the colour stripped, because I dyed my dreads which means my hair is a bit blotchy, and get the ends cut and then condition it to within an inch of it's life.

I hope everyone's year has got off to a good start.
I feel kinda happy - Which is weird.
I not used to just being content, any happiness I have is usually faked, as sad as that sounds, it's true.
But yeh this is good, I like this.