Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Today I have had 264 cals and I'm havin boiled eggs and a bit of bread for my dinner which will be 267. and that will bring my total to 531 which means I can have some tea later.
Hope everyones doing okay and that it's a bit warmer where you are!
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Thank you Andy for your kind comment - It really did help.
I found a song today - 9 Crimes by Damien Rice - I would highly recommend you listen to it - It is one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard - there is a line in it - "give my gun away when it's loaded". It's kind of like when we hand our lifes over to our ED's without knowing what will happen - You could hand a loaded gun to someone and not know what will happen - we could get shot or we couldn't, we can't be sure either way.
It really is beautiful - It's one of those songs though that it depends on your mood - it could make you smile or it could make you cry.
Okay tomorrow is a brand new day - I am off for easter so I am going to make these two weeks count. My plan is to
- eat 600 cals or less a day
- Take my dog on two 30 min walks
- Do 30 mins of my exercise routine which consists of: - 15 each of: cruches, situps, pushups (girl), pushups (boy), 8 count body builders, Diagonal toe touch, single leg straddle - and about 5 minutes skipping (jump rope)
Ok I will do this for the next two weeks - I will I will I will I will
I don't want to come here and post my failings - I want to post and say today was a really good day - I want to write positive posts. I'm not going to promise anything but I will try to be more positive
Thank you to my followers and all you wonderful people that comment - You really don't realise how much they mean to me - Thanks
I've failed again
I'm so sorry
Friday, 26 March 2010
Thank you for your comments - I have about four loads done and I'm not done yet- I know I don't even remember ever buying all these clothes lol. I hope your doing ok pet
I don't really think there was a reason for this post but hey.
Its half 6 in the evening and I've had 506 calories - 144 left. I got some galaxy hot chocolate and I would really love some but I think I'll have to keep it until tomorrow - Oh and I got a galaxy easter egg and 3 bars of choxolate at the shop today as well.
I'll have some tea instead and maybe half a can of soup - 89 cals again - so today was a total of 595 calories. Hope everybody has a good weekend.
- 1 can weightwatchers chicken noodle soup - 50 (you should really try this - it yummy and 50 cals for whole can)
- 1 Slice of bread with little bit butter - 134
- Tea - 64
So that is 248 so far - which leaves me with 402 for the rest of the day.
My bedroom should keep my occupied for a while - seriously its awful. I put my life in my hands everytime I come in here. And I am quickly running out of clean clothes so I really think I should do it: uh I'm just so lazy!
I am in quite a good mood today because it is 12.05 and I am still in bed, it is Friday (No college on Fridays) It is the start of my 17 day easter holidays - YEAH. And it is binge day tomorrow - I have collected quite a lot of stuff this week - So I'm looking forward to that.
I feel I have done okay this week - the highest cals were on tuesday - 620 - And my limit is 650. I think I'm going to hover over 650 because although I havent eaten over that I think if I lower it I might - If you know what I mean.
I think I'm going to get up now and walk my little dog - (she's actually not little - but she's so goddamn beautiful)
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
How are you? As always leave me a comment and let me know - good or bad.
O and I'd like to apologise for my last few posts, I was on a bit of a downer last week - But I will try and bring more perkier posts. I feel alright - Today is a good day
Thursday, 18 March 2010
I got a written warning in college today because I've stopped going to maths. It's crap though, it's only an equivilent so it doesn't even count. I failed my maths GSCE. I dont know wheather I failed because we had 13 differnt maths teachers in 5 years (yeh my skool really was that crap - its closed now) or the fact that I'm discalculic - It's like dyslexic but in maths, it just means I forget stuff I've been taught - But I just see at as another thing I can't do.
I sometimes feel like a bit of a fake because whenever I read or watch things on eating disorders, the thing that they all say is that people with eating disorders are perfectionistic, are extremelly smart or have wonderful talents or skills. I'm not any of these things, I came out of skool with 4 exams, I'm failing the course I'm doing at college, I have no special talents or skills or anything like that, I feel like a fraud - I don't feel I deserve to read any of your blogs because you are all such intellegent, talented and beautiful people.
I'm sorry I'm just a bit down at the minute - and tired. Hope your all doing a bit better than I am. If you've had a good day/week leave me a comment and tell me about - It may cheer me up to hear it - or if your having just as crap a week as I am tell me that to. I like reading your comments.
Again sorry for my strange rambles
Monday, 15 March 2010
Sunday, 14 March 2010
So today not so good - I got up this morning and give my mum her card and some chocolates, then went to see my granny with my sister and give her some flowers, then to my nannas - I had chocolates for her too. Then we went to a restaurant - me my mum, brother and sister... Chicken goujons... and half a small pavlova... thats it. Well I say it but I shouldnt of had it especially the day after binge day. Binge day was good yesterday I had a big bar of galaxy, my thorntons chocolates - about 15 - pasta and cheese, 3 mini muffins, two wee buns, sweets, a few chicken nuggets and a few wee sausages - I purged...
Tomorrow is a new day... I am not having lunch at college any more, I can't - we go to the same place every day and all they do is bagels - I know that sounds really bad but the town where I go to college is a shithole so it's either that or a chippy... Im going to drink some tea while my friends have bagels and just drink diet coke throughout the day, I dont think it will be to bad as I am getting really sick of bagels - we have been going to the same place since september.
In other news I have lost a pound as of friday. I know big whoop but it all helps I suppose. I am starting to eat a lot more salads than I used to and enjoying them, which always helps. I dont eat the same dinners as my mum and brother anymore I just have my salad or some lowcal soup. I always go to bed for a few hours after college so Im sleeping while they are eating so they never really question it.
I really want to get down to 99Ibs (7 stone) by the time I go back to collge after easter - Im 8 stone (112Ibs) at the minute - I think its about 3 or 4 weeks. Is that asking to much? Do you think I can do it?
How are you doing?? Yes YOU... anything strange or startling going on in your life at the minute?? Share with me...
Anyway I hope you are all doing well - and better than me
Stay Safe - as always
Thursday, 11 March 2010
I know I said I would blog yesterday about my birthday but I was so tired - I had the best day, I took the day off college and went to see my daddy and he took me out for lunch. I had no meat just a bit of mashed potatos and lots of veg, then I had half of a chinese takeaway with my mum, sister and brother, then the smallest bit of cake - then nothing until 12 oclock today. I didnt really do very much but it was just a really nice day - I got £200, which will come in usful as I want to learn how to drive like really bad lol and I got 2 pairs of the most beautiful shoes and its really hard to get me nice shoes because I have such tiny feet - Im a UK 1 (sorry Im not sure what that is in american sizes) but its a wee childs size - so theres very few places I can go. I got lots of make up and a really nice braclet and games for my playstation lol Im a big child. Oh I was 17 by the way.
I couldnt count exactly how many cals but I was careful not to eat to much and Im pretty sure I managed to stay with my daily allowence.
Today I have had 647, I might have half a cup of tea later (32 cals) and some more diet coke (3) which will bring it up to 682 so I will still be within my allowed amount of 700 - does that seem like a lot??be honest.
Im really lookin forward to binge day (I dont know if Ive mentioned binge day?? If I havent its this: I will decide an amount of calories I am allowed at the beginning of my week (sunday) and if I only eat that amount everyday sunday - friday then I have a binge day on saturday which is all the things I havent allowed myself during the week I put in a box in my room and eat them all on saturdays - sometimes I purge - sometimes I dont, it depends. but im really looking forward to it this week because I have two big bars of galaxy, a box of thorntons chocolates, one cake and half of another - a wee chocolate bun thing and pasta and cheese, and a pasty my nanna made (I dont know if you have pastys in america - but they are just pastry with beef and potato inside it - they yummy) and any other little delights I find in my kitchen. Ive a feeling I'll be purging this week. I know that may sond like Im cheating but its a way to control my cravings - If i want something insead of eating it I put it in my box and know I'll be getting it on saturday - It works.
Yeh another follower. I gots 3 now. Thanks it means a lot that people actually read this - and leave comments - I like reading them - tell me how you are - Id like to know - weather its good or bad
Hope everyones having a good week
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Food wise... not great, Im still within my allowence for today - with just enough for my salad and maybe a cup of tea later but I'd rather finish the day knowing I had a few to spare instead of eating right up to the very last calorie.
Yeah two followers - thanks andy.
I hope everyone is doing alright
Hopefully get blogging tomorrow
The next post will be better theres not much structure to this one
Oh and if there is anyone religious reading, please say a prayer for my baby cousin, she has an operation in the morning. I always say I odnt believe in god and I dont think i do put in case Im wrong Id like there to be someone looking after her.
Monday, 8 March 2010
I had a salad today for my dinner it was yummy...
I have lots of coursework to do but Im too tired right now
Ill hopefully get bloggin tomorrow, but if not defo wednesday to let you know how my birthday went and by YOU i mean BlAnCh - the very first follower of my brand spanking new blog. Thanks! :)
How are you? Anyone leave me a comment and tell me how your day, week is going - I would like to know
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
My new day, week, month thing couldnt have gotten of to a worse start. Yesterday I had 1266 and today 1253. Yeh they're really the numbers I wanna be seein!
I have so much coursework to hand in too - I think it's 3 or 4 and a half, 3 and a half of which should have been handed in about a week ago. But Im just so tired I cant be bothered doing them.
Uh sorry it's my second post and all I've done is complain, how are you? Let me know - really I'd like to know