Sunday, 31 July 2011

Mahossive Update...

Wow, so it's been a mad couple of weeks.

Let me fill you in...

My little story begins on Monday the 11th of July, to the majority of you this would have been just the start of a new week, but in Northern Ireland, this was the beginning of the 12th week. The 12th of July being one of the most celebrated days in the Northern Irish, Protestant calender. If you are not familar with Northern Ireland or the troubles or the religous difficulties of this wee country, I will not bore you with the details, but if you are familar I just want to tell you all that, I am in no way secterian, I do not judge or look at anyone through single minded eyes. Peoples religious or polictical views would never alter my views of them. I take people as I find them and I just participate in these celebrations because I enjoy the days off, I enjoy catching up with friends and I enjoy the days out. I just wanted to clear that up because I didn't want anyone to think I was some secterian little tramp. I'm not.

Anyway. The 11th of July, or bonfire night, is where my story of the past few weeks begin. The bonfires are great, I go every year and I love them. Basically fire wood is collected for months in the run-up to July and then it is stacked about 15ft in the air if not more and then set alight. I was there with my best friend, her little brother and three other friends, an adequete amount of alchohol had been consumed by all and everyone was having a good night, I was talking to the boy (the boy was my boyfriend for a very brief time last year) we were talking about us, about how things ended between us. He was texting another girl, I asked him was she was better than me, he said she didn't come close, he said no-one could come close, that I was different, I told him that I ended things because of how insecure I was, that I couldn't have him look at me because I hated how I looked. I said that I had issues with food and that I sometimes made myself sick. I told him that I hated seeing myself and that I wouldn't be something I could get over in a hurry. I told him that I couldn't sleep with him, and that I didn't know when I would be ready, I said that it wasn't because it would be my first time, if it was just that I could get over that, but because of everything else it would be hard, He told me he thought I was perfect but he understood and he would wait for me. So we decided to give us another go.
That was around the time bottles started flying over the wall were everyone was sitting watching the bonfire, this is the week in the year were the regious devide in Northern Ireland is all to present. Glass bottles were being pelted 5, 10, 20 at a time, everyone was trying to get their cars out and moved before they got hit, it wasn't too bad while we were still here and we left not long afterwards. We all went and sat in the park until about 3 in the morning, drinking and reminising about the days when we sat in the park and got very drunk when we were about 13, it's amazing all the wonderful memories you think you've forgotten.

We were more or less stranded in the villiage were we live for the next few days because there were riots in the town where the bonfire was.

We drunk the 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th and 15th. These days were all a bit of a fun blur, not because I was really drunk, just because we had done so much and so much happened. Most of these days were spent in the park and one of the night we went to a friends house, we all stayed the night, we got quite drunk and I decided it would be a good idea to get dreads put in my hair, they looked quite cool I must admit lol. I then got a fringe while drunk by someone who was also quite drunk but it turned out quite nice. I then feel asleep for a little while which did nothing for the dreads, but then had a really nice night with the boyfriend and my other friends. The day after this was one I will not forget for a while, we woke up hidiously hungover, and my Best friend took me and the boyfriend and our other male friend aside and said that she needed the morning after pill, so we had to go to the docotors in the village where we all live and they sent us somewhere else, so we went into town and they told us to come back we had to wait about 2 and a half hours, we went to McDonalds and the two boys had something disgusting from there and I smelt it and was sick in McDonalds toilets, oh yes it really was as dignified as it sounds! We go back to the doctors in town then to the chemist, so long and short of it is, everythings fine, the pill worked.

Me and kathryn decided to go out just the two of us to a bar in our village while the boys went to a friends, we were going to go there after the bar closed. We had a really good night, but as we were walking back she was telling me about how she knew I was a bit weird with the way I looked and that I didn't have to worry about anything. I sent her a text while walking beside her telling her that I thought I had an eating disorder.
She was brillient, I told her everything, I told her how I starved, how I binged and how I purged and how I'd been like this for so long. I even told her about cutting myself, she was angry at this, she wasn't angry with me she was angry that I could do it to myself, she told me how much she loved me but if she found out I'd cut again she would sort me out. She said she would be there for me and she said that I didn't need to lose weight but if I wanted to she would help me.

I couldn't keep it from her anymore, she knows every single thing about me, I have never kept anything from her before apart from this and I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't bear to lie to her anymore.

On Monday me and Kathryn went to see about getting a tattoo, the man took our ideas and said he would draw something up for us and we were to go back the next day.

The next day Kathryn rang me, I could tell in her voice that something wasn't right, I asked her what was wrong and she just burst into tears, all she could manage to say was 'he's dying', I felt sick to my stomach, I have never ran as fast in my life, I felt so sick running round to her, I got to her door and her mum answered with red eyes, I got the kitchen and Kathryn was standing there, cigarette in hand, eyes just as red and swollen as her mum's. I got to her and hugged her and she cryed, she just cryed. In all the 8 years I've known Kathryn I've seen her cry about 3 times. I asked where he was and she pointed to her living room, I walked in and he was lying there on the sofa with his head resting on his paws, the poor wee man. Murphy. Kathryn's beloved dog. Beloved by her and her family and most people who have ever met him, including me.
If you don't have a dog, this may sound strange to have this kind of a reaction to a dog, but if you do
have a dog, you will know that the friendship, the loyalty, always being there to greet you, and coming over to you when your upset and doing something cute that just picks you right up. It's all priceless. And Murphy has been doing that for Kathryn and her family for the past 15 years and for me for the past 8.
His heart is too big, it has grown twice the size it should be. He has fluid gathering around his lungs. He has trouble breathing at night.
He is still there greeting everyone as they come in, he is still doing all his cute wee things he always did. The vet isn't sure how long he has left, he said that it will probably be like a human having a heart attack.

Kathryn is 18 and Murphy is 15, she doesn't remember a time when he wasn't there. He is a massive part of their family. It is a massive thing to get their heads around, and mine.

We decided to go ahead and get the tattoo's because we had spent the day in Kathryn's house crying for the most part and we thought it would be good to get ourselves out of the house for a while. So we both got one. This is mine

Thursday we went to a birthday party. It was a fella we had gone to school with, he was 19, he got one of those bouncy castle slide things and put water, fairy liquid and baby oil all over it! Oh it was messy, me and Kathryn didn't get on it, because it was bloody freezing
Another friend was there, she got very drunk, she had a lot of vodka and a lot of buckfast, she was very sick, I sat with her because she kept falling asleep and I was afraid of her choking, she was alright after a wee while but she had jumped into the water before being sick and had lost her bra in the process somehow. But she was alright and it happens to everyone at some point.

Another two male friends were there, SB and SA, SB knew the fella whos birthday it was, SA did not, he knew no-one there except SB, me and Kathryn. SB got bored and went home without telling anyone, SA got extremely drunk and passed out, some of the other people at the party found this funny and decided to pour mayonnase on his face, he then came round and throw up all over himself, he wasn't in a good way so me and Kathryn tried to help him, we were trying to hold him up but he kept passing out and was just a dead weight so it was very hard, we got another fella to help us out to the car with him, kathryns dad brought him home and we had to get his mum up because he was so bad. It was really scary because we've never seen him in that bad of a state before. He's alright now though.

Me and Kathryn had a bet on to see who could hide their tattoos the longest. I won lol - I just told my mum in the end cause it's been really warm here and I was sick of covering up - I think she's alright about it, not thrilled, but I'm still alive so not too bad.

I also got a job interview in the clothes shop I worked in over Christmas, I loved it so it would be brillient to get back there again, but I had the interview on Thrusday and it was awful - I was far too nervous and it was just shit so yeh I'll not be getting that job!
I also left in an application form for other place and the bar where I live.

Right I think that's you all up-to-date. I will try and edit this to make it a but shorter, but I don't know how much shorter it will be.
If you have read to here then well done!

I will try and get back to regular blogging and comment more and get back to comments, I promise. Thank you to those who have commented lately, sorry I haven't got back to them, but I really do appreiate them. Thank you.

I have managed to get back down to 112Ibs which isn't great but considering I was 117Ibs a few weeks ago I'm alright about being 112.

Oh and I'm sure if you have read my blog before then you will know how much of a fan I am of Jennifer Saunders, she was awarded an honorary degree for her contribution to the arts as a writer, actress and comedian. I think this is extremely well deserved, as she is an incredibly funny person and amazing at what she does.

Right I think that's it now.

Oh and if you have read until now, well done and thank you, here is a picture of my friends adorable little puppy and me...

1 comment:

  1. You, your tattoo, and your views on life are beautiful.
    I loved reading this, catching up on what you've been doing.
    You're a beautiful person, darling.