Saturday, 7 May 2011

Skinny Love, what happened here?...

I drank my fucking body weight in alcohol last night I think - and considering I now probably weigh about 145786Ibs, that's a lot of drink!

I had a few Tia Marias with coke, vodkas with coke - a couple of 2 litre jugs of sex on the beach and a couple of 2 litre jugs of fat frog and then some more vodka - Amazingly I don't feel that rough today. Not great - but not too bad.

It was a good night but then everything kind of kicked of with my friend and her boyfriend - So not so good on that front.

I feel really bad for her - she has been through so much and I just want to help her and I can't.

I don't think I'm coping, but I'm not sure. That sounds really stupid, doesn't it? How can I not tell weather I'm coping or not?

It's just coursework, and food, and growing up and all the shit that comes with it.

Sometimes I wish I could go back, I miss I could go back and tell my 11 year old self all things that were going to happen and tell her how to cope. I wish I could go back, just to see how different things might have been.

I feel sorry for that little girl, I really do. I want to help her.
I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't want to help myself.
How can that be, when I'm the little girl?

I don't like having to share my head, my thoughts, my mind - Because it's very hard to make sense of anything when theres someone else there.


  1. my dear broken butterfly, what happened to you?

    you don't feel sorry for yourself because you consider you have more ways to defend yourself now, than you had when you were a child.

  2. you know drinking it is not good, right? it just fucks you more, yes you do feel better when drunk, but afterwards? do you feel different than you felt before drinking? you feel worse...

  3. It's hard to know if you're coping. If you're not sure, you're probably not. Make some strategies, things that work to make you feel better. You can do it. <3 xx

  4. That last part was so beautifully written, it amazed me! You should really try to care about yourself because when it comes down to it, all you have is yourself and you are very important.

    Please take good care of yourself, darling.