Thank you 'Lovely Me', I wasn't expecting anyone to read that, I really wasn't I was just in one of those moods where I just wanted to talk/write/type whatever.

I didn't actually realise it was that long - so well done to you for reading it and thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

A wee novel for ya there is what that previous post was. Hmm.

Anyway thanks. A lot.

I just in one of those wee ruts where I feel so much but at the same time nothing at all.

Oh confusious.

Anyway - yeh thanks for putting up with me during these not so brillient times.

I'm just feeling not so positive about life in general right now.

The time in my life I was dreading has finally arrived. It's very nearly time for me to leave college, and get a job.

Unlike most other people, I will never be able to say that my school years were the best years of my life, unfortunately this was taken away from me. Although these years have been for a big part just horrible and have played a massive part in the situation I find myself in now, it is all I have ever known - What will I do for the next part of my life?

My mum told me today that I could be anything I wanted to be. I remember being told this as a young child, then it was true, I could have been anything I wanted to be, but this is no longer true. I didn't get the grades and that's all there is to it, and in reality if you don't have the grades it is unlikely that you will be able to have a job doing something you really enjoy.

I never ever wanted to be like my mum. My mum is wonderful but she has spent her whole life 'making do', 'making ends meet', she deserves so much better, she should of had to just make do, she is so much better than that. She worked all the hours that she could so me and my brother and sister didn't have to do without - She works so hard and she doesn't get as much out of it as she should.

I don't want to spend my whole life working in a dead end job and having nothing to show for it - I don't want to have to struggle with paying for things.

I know theres nothing I can really do about it - It's just thinking about a life like that it just kind of makes me think 'what's the point?'

I am aiming for a job in a shop like clothes shops, shoe shops etc. I don't see anything wrong with this kind of job at all, I just don't think it will be very rewarding. I want to do something wonderful, I want to wake up everyday and get excited about working. Why shouldn't I be able to do that?

I know that this is something most people feel about jobs etc, and I know theres nothing I can do about it - It's just very frustrating to know that I already kind of know my future - And I'm not looking forward to it at all.

This was supposed to be me apologising for my last huge post, but it's turned into another one. Sorry about that.

X