Thursday, 4 August 2011


If you don't follow her already then go do it now.
She is amazing, she is wonderful and she has such an incredible talent for writing exactly what I need to hear while all the time remaining honest. I am so grateful to have found her here. She is such a beautiful person and I love her.

Today was supposed to be me fasting to make up for the past two days, but my dad rang me and asked me to go out to dinner with him - I couldn't say no.

My and I have a strange relationship. I love him a lot but we don't really know each other that well. Him and my mum divorced when I was six and I have lived with my mum ever since, to him I am still that 6 year old little girl, something I have always known and something that he admitted to me tonight, which means that we don't have that much to talk about because he still sees me as that little girl. I don't see as much of him as I should, he lives only 10 minutes away from me but life gets in the way and I get used to not seeing him for weeks or months at a time, so I sometimes forget how long it has been. So I didn't like to say no tonight because to him that would have been me saying I didn't want to see him.

So it will be take two fast tomorrow.

The trouble with my mum and I has resolved itself for now. I say for now because it is never resolved, we just don't talk for a while then carry on like nothing has happened, until the next time.

The boy, I was him today, he came with me while I walked my dog, he understands about my mum as he has his own family troubles. He has moved in with a friend as he can no longer live at home. He lived with his grandparents because his parents both died when he was very young, for whatever reason things with his grandparents aren't going well, his grandad threw him out. This isn't me just being biased but he really didn't deserve it. He has to go and talk to them tomorrow, but I couldn't see him moving back home anytime soon, but the friend and the friends family are very good and said he can stay as long as he needs.
As for as us as a couple goes, he understands that I have other stuff going on, the same as he does. I was thinking about it today and is a saint for staying with me. I can be very temperamental at times, I can go for being 'happy' and 'fine' to cold and distant within minutes, so it must be very hard for him to try and understand me. I really like being with him, so I hope that once I lose weight and can get a small bit happier with myself that I can be more loving and a bit more like a normal girlfriend.

I know I said that I would comment more and I really haven't been, but when I'm in this kind of a down mood it's best for me not too because I have nothing helpful or productive to write. Hopefully I will get out of this rut soon and be more supportive to you all.

1 comment:

  1. Love, My heart was about to burst out of my chest when i read this post...i don't deserve the honor. Cherish the fact that your father wants to get to know you, even if he still thinks you are the 6 years old.
    If The Boy knows how it is to have problems, then he might be able to understand you perfectly. Dear, there is no one here who haven't passed through what you are passing. Be patient, the sun will rise in your life too, i promise