Holly...

I love Holly very much.

She was the very first person to comment and follow, this wee blog of mine, back in February 2010. She has a blog but I don't know how to do links. She was also known as bLaNcH or BlAnCh - I don't remember which.

We left each other comments and a while later exchanged email addresses and now almost a year and 9 months after her first comment, we still email. A lot.

She is someone that listens, that understands, that cares and that helps.

We have been there for each other through happy times and sad times, school stress, exams and coursework panics, weight loss and weight gain. And unfortunetly even a death. We have emailed through everything.

She makes me feel better and makes me feel positive when all I want to do is crawl up into a ball a die. She makes me smile.

Holly lives in Australia, I live in Ireland.

I hope we can meet someday because it would be a horrible thought to think I could never meet the person who has pulled me out of some pretty rough times.

We have a very special bond I think, we understand each other completely and we know that sometimes tough love is what the other needs when one of us is particularly 'down'.

I am more glad than I can say that I found Holly, because I couldn't imagine getting by without our emails after so long. I am glad I have found someone who does the same things I do.

But then the less selfish part of me thinks about the horrible and sometimes horrific things I have done do myself over the years, and it breaks my heart to think of Holly doing those things too.

I would give anything to undo the pain she has gone through, the things she has done. I would give anything for her to have never felt bad enough about herself to end up the way I have.

Even though that would mean I would have never 'met' her.

Holly, you are such an incredible and beautiful person and I love you so much, You will always have a place in my heart and I really mean that.

xo