Sorry I haven't posted in a few days - My best friend got her licence a few days ago so I have been out with her the whole time and haven't had the chance to. But a plus in this wee situation - I can smoke when I want and I hardly eat anything because I never eat until at least 12 or 1 anyway so we get something at about 3 or 4 and that does the rest of the day so yeh. But no physical activity. The same friend joked today about how "we will get fat because we're never gonna walk anywere" - I am determined not to let that happen. I have this real... I don't know if it's determination or what but I have a real hunger NOT to eat - I don't want to let myself - I don't know where it has come from but it's stronger than it's ever been.
I wasn't going to mention this but I want to know if anyone feels the same. I saw someone the other day that I haven't seen in a long time (we were just passing in cars) but she used to be like a second mum to me and I was going through a bad time and she was always there exactly when I needed her - It was strange I could tell her things I couldn't tell anyone else and she never judged me or anything like that - But over the last while I haven't really seen her at all - And I miss her desperately. I feel awful for saying this but I need to know if anyone else has had this - I feel like she has left my life and the only way to get her back is if I get sick. I have loads of things that have fuelled *this* but is that an awful thing to do/think? I feel horrible even thinking it - But I need her back and this is the only way I think I can
Oh my heart
5 days ago