Charlie Chaplin

Today has been... well not being too dramatic, but horrendous. Yip that's it. Horrendous.

I had a horrible hangover, like the worst in a long time. And then I got my period.

Period made me binge, hangover didn't like it. Had to replace food. Hangover didn't like the walk. It's 8.15pm and I'm only just starting to feel half human again.

I have felt strange today, like other than the hangover etc.

I have felt strange within myself.

I went out with Kathryn last night, just the two of us. We haven't done this in a long time, if ever. Yes we see each other more or less every day but we rarely have a catch up, you know what I mean?

It was a fun night. There was an old man that was buying us drinks, then another old man who came to our table, didn't even say hello or anything like that just started with 'I have 40 acres of land, will one of you marry me?' no hint of humour or sarcasim at all like.

We talked, like properly talked, she told me something, something that I wasn't expecting and something that filled me with rage and sympathy and sadness. I cannot tell you what it is because that would be fair of me because it's not my thing to tell and I wouldn't feel right. But it wasn't nice.

I was glad she told me, because I think she had been dealing with it for a while on her own. I was going to tell her, I was going to tell her that I make myself sick, that I like to fast, that I wake up everyday with a battle raging in my head.

The thing she told me was one of those things that would really mess with your head, so I was going to tell her because I thought that it if she knew I understood her pain and how she was feeling even a small bit it might help her.

But we got interrupted. So I didn't get the chance to tell her.

I text her this morning but I think that it was the alcohol that made her tell me because she didn't say anything about it when we were talking today.

I didn't say anything either I just let her know that I was here.

We talked about an awful lot of stuff.

It's made me feel different, think different.

I don't know whether this is good or bad yet.

I hope everyone is well.

X

Oh and I have no idea what is with my title, his name just popped into my head and he always used to make me laugh...