I am damaged.
I am faulty.
I look normal.
I look more or less like a normal girl.
More or less about like a normal 18 year old girl.
To look at me the only differences between me and any other 18 year girl are that I'm a lot smaller, I look a lot younger. But that's about it.
But if you look further there are more...
I am covered up.
From neck to foot usually.
I don't even like rolling up my sleeves.
On my good days I can wear a t-shirt but that's about it.
My best friend who has known me for 8 years has only seen my legs about 3 times.
I look normal...
but I am most definitely not...
I am unhappy
Very unhappy.
I am not the same as other 'normal' 18 year olds.
I look normal, so therefore I must be normal, right?
No I'm not.
That is why I need to be thin - very thin.
This isn't about wanting to be skinny and pretty.
This is about wanting my body to reflect my mind.
I want people to look at me and know that something is wrong
But I don't want them to stop me.
Do you see my dilemma?
x
<3 I know this dilemma far too well xx
ReplyDeletegod i know exactly what you mean.
ReplyDeleteit worries me how well i know that feeling.
i know. damn i know it. it is the most confusing dilemma....
ReplyDeletelove, helen orig from ibelongtthurrican, d&w etc etc
i love you:)
ReplyDeleteReminds me of song lyrics,
ReplyDelete"She appears composed, so she is, I suppose. Who can really tell?" -Elliott Smith.
I love him.
Anyway, I know what you are describing all too well. I have wished for it a thousand times in the past. Even now I often find myself wanting it. Please stay strong, <3 Jenny