Thursday, 14 April 2011

Under your thumb, I can't breathe... I won't let you close enough to hurt me...

I am broken.
I am damaged.
I am faulty.

I look normal.
I look more or less like a normal girl.
More or less about like a normal 18 year old girl.
To look at me the only differences between me and any other 18 year girl are that I'm a lot smaller, I look a lot younger. But that's about it.

But if you look further there are more...

I am covered up.
From neck to foot usually.
I don't even like rolling up my sleeves.

On my good days I can wear a t-shirt but that's about it.

My best friend who has known me for 8 years has only seen my legs about 3 times.

I look normal...
but I am most definitely not...

I am unhappy
Very unhappy.

I am not the same as other 'normal' 18 year olds.

I look normal, so therefore I must be normal, right?

No I'm not.

That is why I need to be thin - very thin.

This isn't about wanting to be skinny and pretty.

This is about wanting my body to reflect my mind.

I want people to look at me and know that something is wrong
But I don't want them to stop me.

Do you see my dilemma?


  1. <3 I know this dilemma far too well xx

  2. god i know exactly what you mean.
    it worries me how well i know that feeling.

  3. i know. damn i know it. it is the most confusing dilemma....

    love, helen orig from ibelongtthurrican, d&w etc etc

  4. Reminds me of song lyrics,

    "She appears composed, so she is, I suppose. Who can really tell?" -Elliott Smith.
    I love him.
    Anyway, I know what you are describing all too well. I have wished for it a thousand times in the past. Even now I often find myself wanting it. Please stay strong, <3 Jenny