Wednesday, 27 April 2011

So thinking how well I was doing...

Yip you guessed it - Rachel fucked up - again.

Yip 1000 calories in about 10mins - juice and a sandwich and coconut fingers and a microwaved meal.

Christ Rachel!!

I was feeling rather proud of myself - like I woke up today in such good spirits compared to the past few days, I didn't want food today. I didn't eat because I craving, I ate because I was scared, I was scared I was going to get caught out.

I had let my mum see my bringing a sandwich to my room earlier - I then broke it up, put it in a bag and gave to my dogs a while after. But then I starting thinking - hm what if she says anything? What if she notices - so I have a coconut finger... and then I'm gone.

She comes in a only notices that I've eaten 2 coconut fingers and calls me a fat horse. Yip - what the fuck was I worrying about??

Tomorrow I begin again - I was enjoying it, I really was - today was going so well. Well at least today has shown me that my mother isn't as observant as I think.

And anyway even if she did notice all I would have to say is that I didn't have an appetite, she doesn't know anything - she has never noticed any of my, 'behaviors'. She doesn't find it at all odd that I have my own little cupboard with my own food and my own mugs.
(I hate people eating my food and I hate people using my mugs)

She doesn't find any of thee little things I do odd.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I'm very, very grateful. I just need to use it to my advantage now.

No food for me tomorrow!
I think I will stay in my room tomorrow, apart from to walk the dogs and get a cup of tea and such. But apart from that I stay to myself, then there is nothing for her to notice.

I'm not letting this get me down though because I have been in good spirits and think in order for tomorrow to be successful, I need to stay in good spirits.

So trying very, very hard to tell myself that it's ok - I will fix it tomorrow.

Hope your all doing ok, this is gonna sound really cheesy but thanks for the support. Oh christ I hate saying things like that lol - pure cheese.

1 comment:

  1. dearest, tomorrow is going to be your day. believe it.