Okay I went shopping today, I usually like shopping because I buy nice things for my hair, pretty scarfs, you know things that alway fit. But today we and my mum walked past river island, they had a sale, mum wanted a look, mum kept handing me stuff to try on.
I hate trying things on in shops. I tried on the jeans
Now usually at this point I look at myself and want to cry because I'm to fat to zip them up, but not today. No today the size 8's slid on quite easily, but something else made me want to shout and cry.
I have never in the whole time I have been alive been able to buy a pair of trousers that fit me - lenght wise. This may not sound like a big deal, I used to laugh it off, but now it's really starting to piss me off. Why should I have to chose between paying someone to shorten them or walking on them and ruining them. Everyone else can buy jeans and just wear them, so why can't I?
And I saw a really pretty pair a shoes, so I asked the girl if they had any other sizes, she was helpful. She brought me round to the shoes and then asked what size I was. I told her a 1 or 2, she changed, she wasn't so helpful, she pointed to the other end of the shop and half heartedly said, down there.
I walked to where she had pointed, she had lead me to childrens. I know this may not seem like a big deal, and I do where kids alot of the time, but these looked very young, with flowers or ladybirds and things on them.
It's like, if a shop did not cater for the larger person they would get labelled as being discriminating, but if anyone complained about things not being small enough, they'd get laughed at.
I love being the size I am, I love being so short and having such tiny feet, but everyone else seems to have a problem with it, it kind of renforces the way I feel about myself, like I don't deserve to wear the same nice things as everyone else, I'm different and everyone should be able to see that I'm different by the things I wear.
Sorry I know I sound like I'm over-exagurating (I should really learn to spell) but it gets a bit tiresome after this lenght of time. If you have manged to get to the end of this crappy boring post, then thank you.
I have been very tired lately, not sleeping so well, I only managed to count calories until and 6.30pm, and then I kind of gave up, which worries me slightly, I never can't be borthered to count calories. (Sorry I know that was horrendous English, forgive me)
Going to try and catch some Zzz, but I think a smoke first, I should probably cut down, I've been smoking quite a lot lately, oh well it keeps me busy.
Love for you all.
4 weeks ago